Doing Or Watching Myself Do?

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One of the weird things about meditation is what you learn about yourself – like it or not. I have sometimes said that whatever other values meditation has, the things along the way are beneficial. A lot of it comes from understanding your own habits, obsessions, and mistakes.

In this case, I’d like to talk about learning the difference between doing and watching.

My meditative practice, as noted often, is informed by The Secret of the Golden Flower (Cleary Translation) among other readings. I tune my breath to be slow and even as I watch it, refining my breath and my awareness as I go. I sometimes call it the Triple Action as following, slowing, and evening is all one.

Without going into the benefits and experiences – as I and others note discussing goals often distracts from the act – it’s fascinating to see what happens when I get off track. If you’re not a meditatior and wonder “how can you get off track by just breathing evenly and slowly” then my advice is “try to do it consistently for five minutes.”

So anyway there I am meditating and tuning my breath, feeling strangely distracted and distant, and of course I continue to meditate since that continuity is part of the point. I continued and still felt like something wasn’t quite right, that I couldn’t quite focus. Then suddenly I become aware of what’s happening.

I’m not just there following my ever-refining breath, I’m watching myself do it. I’m following the watching of myself. It’s like doing something by looking in a mirror – just a lot of what we do is looking at reflections of ourselves in our own mind, our own self-image. I was so intent on the mirror I kept losing focus on the thing I wanted to pay attention to – my breath.

Now I kept up with my practice – insights can be distractions – but that stuck with me when I was done. Sometimes you’re not watching something, you’re watching watching. Sometimes you’re not thinking, you’re thinking about yourself thinking. The human mind can get into some pretty wild infinite recursion, which is immediately obvious as soon as you remember your last neurotic obsession.

This was a reminder of how we can make simple things very complex, how we over-think, over-monitor, and end up abstract from our lives. It’s pretty amazing what following your tuned breath can reveal to you.

But don’t let such realizations distract you.

  • Xenofact

The Cross Disintegrates

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I’ve been wondering about how people will regard Christianity in America in the future. This is for obvious reasons (the religious right, hypocrisy) and the personal (I love to speculate). Truth be told, I don’t see it being anything good.

First, it’s really obvious that the Religious Right et al has made Christianity synonymous with “Bigoted, sexist, homophobic, reality-denying wealth-worshiping asshole who’s a total hypocrite.” Yes, plenty of American “Christians” violate their own religious tenets which is obvious as hell when you have even a passing understanding of the teachings of Jesus. They also do not care that they are hypocrites and have no spiritual curiosity, if they ever had any. Honestly it’s kind of a joke how Christianity has gotten branded.

Secondly, the media has run with this because the Religious Right is loud. They have money, they are publicity hounds, and they are of course politically active – and useful. The Religious Right has been happy to get involved in everyone else’s damn life, and of course the media amplifies that. Plus the American media loves to both-sides things even when people are ranting or opportunist.

Third, the Religious Right is and will be defined by horrible things. Climate denial. Cruelty towards immigrants (despite a lot of that being critiqued in the Bible). Racism. Selling out. People will be hurt by this, people will be hurt by them, and they seem to enjoy that.

Fourth, and sadly not addressed, I think that non-religious right Christianity hasn’t really fought back. Sure I see some truly good people, you can find all sorts of people doing good things. But I don’t see a fight for the soul of Christianity in America which you’d think would be really freaking necessary. There’s so many people being utter assholes in the name of Jesus, you’d think there’d be a willingness to battle.

But I just don’t see it. Some of it sure, but not enough that’s big, bold and in your face. Christians should be utterly pissed at the legacy of grifters like Robertson and Falweel and the like. They should be out there in people’s faces. Heck, maybe some kind of big public act of repentance and penance that would name names.

For whatever reason, the Religious Right has defined Christianity these days. I don’t see that going away, barring some kind of gigantic Great Awakening/Bonfire of the Vanities type activity. Which might happen, but I’m not holding my breath.

So the future of Christianity, in America, is that the Religious Right has pretty much won. They have the dominant description of Christianity. It’s a cruel, greedy, unstable, pile of hypocrisy glad to elect and worship any grifter that comes along. I don’t see it changing too.

What this means is that in future political and social changing, Christianity – even people who aren’t religious right – will be judged as if they are. People won’t be looking to be Christian if they’re not into the whole asshole paradigm That is if anyone is even looking for a specific religion.

I feel a strange . . . sadness to all of this? First, that there’s just so many assholes, of course. But I feel bad for the non-asshole Christians even if I’d wanted them to fight more. I supposed I’d have liked to see a transition to a broader spirituality, but it feels like part of it will be utter, life-ruining, life-endangering failure.

But I don’t see a future for American Christianity where “Christian” isn’t at least secondarily associated with “awful person.” Maybe there will be some kind of syncretic reformist movement, but that’s just maybe.

–Xenofact

The Intake

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The five colors blind the eye.
The five sounds deafen the ear.
The five tastes harm the palate.
Dashing about riding and hunting injure the mind.
Rare goods lead one astray.
The sage is for the root not the eye.
They take one, discard the other.

-Tao Te Ching Chapter 12, interpretation

This chapter from the Tao Te Ching is one that I hadn’t thought of initially, just assuming it was about getting caught up in things. Over the last few years I’d come to realize how profound it is, and I have to say the internet played a huge role in that.

Not using the internet for research. But watching how overloaded with crap it is, and how it sells us crap. Does it seem like we’re overloaded with things to buy? Is there endless hype and things you’re told you want? Are you trying to keep up with the latest hyped game and getting the graphic card you’ll need? The internet in Web 3.0 is a gigantic device meant to overload the senses, keep us online, sell ads, and sell products.

And, as I became disgusted with the state of Web 3.0, I began to really get this chapter.

Humans can only process so much information. Some of that is the limitations of our senses and systems, but some of it is a blessing because we’re information, and taking in too much ruins who we are. To be who you are, you can’t drown yourself in information, but process it so you grow effectively. Information is a lot like nutrition, you choose the right input, the right amount, and you’re healthy and functional.

Web 3.0 is a mixture of buffet, processed food, and force feeding for the mind. It’s not good for us, and people are using it to drain our attention, money, and time.

So now I get this quote. Too much stimuli, unselected and unchosen, numbs us, distracts us, and misguides us. We have to be selective, we have to keep aware of who we are, centered, so we don’t numb and distract ourselves. It also keeps us from being exploited.

Its a reminder of how some common sense has been written down over the aeons . . . and how we have to keep rediscovering it.

-Xenofact