Community

Musings On The Lonely Men Who Hate Each Other

by

The “Male Loneliness Epidemic” is something I see discussed a lot. Men feel lonely and isolated. Men fall under the spell of grifters. Men don’t find what they need and get bitter and angry. Being a pretty generic guy, I take interest in this for many reasons, including the fact a lot of (white) guys voted for Donald Trump who, as of this post, is sort of ruining everything.

Having lived many, many decades I get the concern about male loneliness. I also however was raised with the idea that you can find and make friends. I suspect some of this is really that I hit a sweet spot of how I was raised, role models, connective nerd culture, and region. I grew up thinking about making friends and connecting, and that it’s my job to do it. I guess some people missed that.

Beyond my very broad experiences, I’m not sure I can comment on the fine details of this supposed epidemic, if it is an epidemic (I don’t think so), and so on. I think what is obvious is there’s a grifty, fascistic part of Online Male Culture that uses this sense of disconnection to give vulnerable men a pathological and unsustainable role model, what one person on Tumblr called wittily the Buff Scammer.

The Buff Scammer is a sort of capitalistic/fascistic/comic book ideal of a guy as a jacked hustler always making scores and gains. You don’t actually enjoy yourself, you just have to keep up the gains and the money to show off . . . to other men. Even relations with women are ways to show off to men, meaning that you enter into the bizarrely homoerotic sphere of men thinking of men in their wooing of women. These men don’t have friends or lovers, just targets of various kinds.

What is funny is that, with my (ever-advancing age) and interest in history is I’m used to seeing far different ideals of male role models that are not the Buff Scammer.. A lot of them involved an idea of citizenship in many ways, even if there were other pathologies. The idea of a man was an idea of being engaged and part of things (even if there was plenty of toxic masculinity otherwise). It’s weird to see that in, say, 2500 year old writings, but also remember it in my youth and feel like it’s sort of been pushed aside in my lifetime.

Citizenship gives one some grounding, some sense of place – and you feel less lonely. You’re playing or seeking to play a role. Maybe it’s just me getting old, but I honestly see that completely lacking in large parts of culture, including some of the male grift-o-sphere. I meet plenty of engaged citizens who are happy, but there are zones where the idea of citizenship seems long gone.

Citizenship as an ideal leads you to not be alone and to seek connection. You have an ideal of belonging. The Buff Scammer and his ilk have none of that. That has to not just be lonely, but it resists a traditional gateway for not being lonely – the idea of being an active citizen. I mean you may not like everyone but you’re part of something.

This makes me think of the events of the first few months of the Trump administration. Trump destroyed alliances and trade deals built over decades – indeed over a century. He isolated the country in a temper tantrum, trying to look tough. He was, in short, a Buff Scammer (well, not that Buff) who has no concept of friends, of citizenship.

And then I think of the lonely men who voted for him. They have no concept of friends either. No concept of citizenship. No concept of belonging.

It’s just lonely people in a temper tantrum, disconnected, isolated, and running things, leaving them even more alone. Citizenship may be a solution, but people will have to learn to be active about it. Certainly they just found some grifter is going to make them more lonely.

-Xenofact

Speculation on Spiritual Ferment

by

As you probably realize, I like doing zines. Chances are you’re reading this in a zine, have some of my zines, or will have my pitch you buying some. I like writing down my spiritual and related thoughts and hearing what people have to say.

Also they make a great gift! Hint.

Anyway as I’ve noted before I’d like to see more spiritual/mystical zines, especially ones about meditation and techniques for self-refinement. I mean yes there are great books, there’s a reason I own so much of the late Thomas Cleary’s translations, but there’s “several thousand years old” and “recent insights.”

This led me to an interesting speculation I’d like to share. I wonder if the current concept of publishing – that you should put out big honking books – is a disservice to “spiritual ferment.” Let me just get to the base of my thoughts.

Imagine spiritual exchanges via zines or some similar reusable, but focused small press. Be it an APA or a quarterly, the goal would be to both record findings, discuss, and dialogue. A bit like the old APAs as I’ve written about before. Such a situation would provide both well-designed and well-thought out written communication and an exchange of ideas.

Large, published works aren’t dialogues and people need dialogue to learn. Large, published works also have the problem of authority wearing you might take them too seriously – even if the author doesn’t intend that. Also maybe I don’t want to go through 250 pages to get 50 pages relevant to me – no offense.

Meanwhile, immediate dialogue is great, but sometimes constant immediate feedback has its own problems. It can be distracting or go off the rails. It can lead to groupthink. Also scheduling time to exchange ideas can be frustrating, and constant use of things like chat programs can be time-sucking in their own way.

But small pieces of work, focused, contemplated, in one’s own time but with a cadence of exchange? I intuitively feel there really is something there.

I’m probably influenced by old Taoist tales of people exchanging small books, papers, poetry, manuals, and so on. But maybe there’s something there to emulate.

Also sometimes the Taoists got wasted together and wrote really sarcastic poetry, but that’s thoughts for another post . . .

The Sage Trap

by

Ever see someone who wrote a great book of wisdom and gave a few good speeches change into something not them?  Maybe they become some ranting crank, maybe they’re churning out shit, but they’re not the person you thought they were.  I mean sure maybe they were always an asshole, but not every wise person you admire can be a horrible twit.

What the hell happens to these truly people that make their fifth book so full of bullshit, egotism, crank rants, or all three?  Let me propose that in too many cases the issue is they keep going.

Some people have one to a few good books in them and that’s fine.  I mean no one is angry that Lao-Tzu wrote one (OK, maybe two) books.   I’ve seen many authors who do one or two books of advice and happily go back to whatever they do or write something different.

But we all know many an writer that keeps going. It seems that timeless wisdom becomes less wise and more time consuming as more and more books come out.

In our world, being a truly wise person, being a person of insight, means you will get exploited and be encouraged to exploit yourself.  It can be overwhelming enough that an asshole will go for it, and a truly insightful person may not be insightful enough to fall into the trap.

Our capitalist economy is based on finding what makes money and squeezing the hell out of it.  You’ll get book deals and opportunities, speaking engagements and convention schedules.  Why it might even let you quit that job and be a wise person full time – and then you’re trapped as all you can do is keep doing more stuff even if there’s nothing more to say.

You might even say I’m not doing it for the money.  But you may well bloody be doing it for the praise, the adoration, and the confirmation.  You have confirmation people want you, which can boost your ego or worse make you think you can keep helping people by doing the same thing.  Meanwhile the publishers and marketers will be fine to add to their bank accounts thanks to you.

People don’t want you to go anyway!  You wrote one good book that changed their lives, so keep changing it!  Our culture doesn’t emphasize reading and rereading classics, it pushes the new, the latest, the better-than-last.

What our society does not do is say “you left us some truly great wisdom with this book or two, thank you” and move on – and lets the writer move on.  We damn well know one person can change the world with a book or two, but our culture and economy doesn’t let that happen.

Being someone with real wisdom to share can be a trap.

Again I’m not decrying writing a lot of stuff.  I myself write here and under other names on many subjects because its my hobby – though I did have to learn when to stop.  Other people have a lot to say about subjects – something I also do (and also had to learn when to stop).  Yet others savor the challenge of covering a new topic each book, as a friend of mine does.   What I am saying is it’s best to be aware that our culture and economy will wring every dollar out of you, lock you into doing the same thing, and you may well fall for it.

You can be good enough that you eventually end up not good at all.

I start appreciating many a mystic, monk, and weirdo who wrote a book or two, blew people’s minds, then headed into the mountains or started a band or retired to smoke weed.  Sometimes the greatest gift is to shut up and do something else and let people appreciate your brilliance.

– Xenofact