Meditation

Nurturing Not Grasping

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If you’ve done meditation consistently (and my guess is you have), you know that in time things happen. You have insights, you feel different, there’s something there. Oh sure you read about it, you hear about it, but then it happens. You’re a better person for your meditations and it’s kind of a shock.

I mean you kind of hoped for it, but then you’re different. It’s real, it’s not sayings and advice and poems and words. You feel different and the you that feels is different.

But the question is: what’s next? This is something I’ve read several times in my Taoist studies, and I wanted to share some thoughts and insights from my own meditations. I’ve had those moments of insights of “shifts” where you’re a little bit different and you know you’re on the path. There’s something in you that is different, it’s better, but then what?

You can’t seize these moments, these changes, and hold them. You can’t force them to happen, which I think is frustrating to many. If you’re a meditator I’m sure you’ve been here. I certainly have, where a very solid change falls apart when you grasp it.

First, a thing I find helpful to remember is that it’s the meditation that brings you here, those moments of mind resting on breath, the flow of energies, or what have you.. You can’t force these changes, can’t push them but you can keep up the practice that makes them possible. The positive changes you experience are due to the practice making them possible.

The changes you experience – “Signs” is what I’ve seen it called in my Taoist readings – are indicators you’re doing well in meditation. Keep going with the meditation.

But those moments of insight, of feeling better, of feeling aligned, of feeling there’s something in you that’s better? Another useful idea I’ve seen in Taoism is the idea of nurturing and guarding. Taoist writings talk about how one may experience a “seed,” have “the elixir,” develop a “spiritual embryo” and so on at various meditative stages. These are not things to be held or grasped, but guarded and nurtured.

Whatever positive changes (and whatever symbolism you might use for them) you want to nurture them. Not grasp, force, hold, but gently nurture. The exact nature of that may depend on your level of meditation and spiritual path, but it takes gentle work to maintain those “positives.”

I find these are usually a combination of things. Recognizing that you’ve experienced change due to meditation. Maintaining meditation. Understanding behaviors that support these positive changes – ethical and social cultivation.

You also want to avoid destroying these evolutions – guarding them.. This may again be making behavioral and social changes, dietary alterations, and consideration for how your choices affect you. You might even get some insights into how your bad habits harmed before.

I think this is why the physicality of Taoist ideas helps me. Imagining carefully brewing an elixir, nurturing a spiritual embryo, “moving to the center” and so on resonate with me and obviously several thousand years of practitioners. It’s easy to imagine guarding and nurturing a physical thing.

I hope in your practices that you have these changes, these moments. I hope you can maintain your meditations. And I hope you can guard and nurture what you find.

Plus if you want a deep dive into Taoist symbolism, I got some books to recommend . . .

–Xenofact

The Gentle and The Firm

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In my readings on Taoism, I recently read through “Immortal Sisters,” one of Thomas Cleary’s early translations, this one of works by female Taoists. It’s a fascinating read of course, and it’s written by a younger, dare I say feistier Cleary with opinions on certain eras of Chinese history that I believe mitigated with time. However I wish to focus on some writings by famed Taoist Immortal Sun Bu-Er and commentary by Chen Yingning (Cleary has a knack for finding and translating not just documents, but often extensive commentary on the same).

The funny thing was the copy I had I’ve had, as of this writing, perhaps two decades or more. I’d forgotten I had it, and as I was working to expand my Taoist readings, I decided it was time. I found much excellent advice, but one piece stood out in particular.

To show how useful this advice was, let me explain the situation where it helped me.

My meditative practice, as I’ve stated before, is based on The Secret of The Golden Flower, where one rests mind on breath while one tunes breath to be slower and even. It’s a simple process, summarizable in, say, a small handbook. However as any practitioner of meditation knows, the actual experience is one that can be discussed endlessly (as many have).

Trying to rest mind on breath and tune that breath isn’t as simple as it may sound, at least for me. One is trying to tune breath, one is trying to rest mind, one is sitting still, one probably has thoughts arising and so on. In my readings of Taoist literature, I’ve found at least a notable part of the obscure symbolism is useful concepts and approaches to help meditation without spelling it out so much your expectations mess you up.

And the writings of Sun Bu-Er provides to have some extremely helpful advice. The specific section is called “Cultivating the Elixir,” and using alchemical symbolism, it states the following:

“Tuning the breath, gather it in the gold crucible.”

“Stabilizing spirit, guard the jade pass.”

Chen Yingning notes in his commentary (which, as per classic Taoism, is far longer than the things he comments on) that this is about the kind of concentration one uses. Breath requires strong concentration, resting the mind requires gentle concentration.

And, suddenly, I understood meditation more.

There I am tuning my breath – slower and more even all the time. That requires firmness, strength. Your whole body is engaged. That strength ensures a refined breath.

There I am resting my mind – and that is best done gently. We all know what it’s like to force our mind to do things – our mind wrestling with our mind is a painful thing. But when I rest my mind on breath, I can make it gentler and gentler.

It’s firm and gentle, mind and breath, yin and yang – pairings are understandably common in Taoist meditation. A little addition to my understanding of meditation thanks to a modern translator and the writers of the past. A little more for my journey down the path.

That’s a funny thing about meditative practices, about spiritual practices in general. You have to do it, you have to get your hands dirty, and you can’t get lost in scripture and notes and endless spinning thoughts. At the same time you have to read and expand your mind, never think you have the answers – or even all the questions.

It requires a kind of curiosity, a willingness to get into the readings – like a meditation. Be open to surprises.

Just like me with a copy of a book I got decades ago.

–Xenofact

Keeping That Notebook

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In my meditative and mystical practices, I’ve tried to figure the best way to keep notes. I’d keep notes, but it was a pain to review them. I’d try to type them up and of course end up with a pile of notes that I’d have to search to make any use of. I’d also feel bad about this.

At the same time having records to review is very useful. You want to look at what you experienced. You want to improve your meditative techniques. Writing it down helps out.

But then there’s the other problem of writing things down to keep records. YOu might get caught up in your records, have too many expectations, try to force experiences. Once you get notes you can review, you can end up getting obsessed with those.

As you can tell, I think about this a lot. OK, I overthink this a lot. But here’s a technique I’m currently trying that may help you out. I use this for meditative work, psychological improvement, and some mysticism.

Try this out.

ONE. Get a notebook. I like one that’s of a good size. Actually buy a few so you don’t have to run back to the store all the time. Have a pen with it at all times.

TWO. When you sit down to engage in your spiritual practices, write down the date, what you did, and any lessons learned. I “star” things I really want to remember next time I meditate. If you do several practices give them their own page.

THREE. Every time you sit down to engage in your spiritual practices, look back at your last entry, especially the “starred” entries. You might look back a few days if you need to.

FOUR. After doing this for awhile, you’ll accumulate certain “practices” for your spiritual work that help. Create a list and then every day, before practice, write it down again for that day. You may update it or tweak it as you go. You might even remove items or consolidate them.

I found this hits a sweet spot. I sit down and review past learnings. I restate best practices. I keep notes that I’ll review the next date, and maybe improve my best practices. It’s a last-time review, a helpful checklist, and a chance to reflect.

It’s also not burdensome, or overly complicated, or leads to a pile of notes I don’t know what to do with. Instead I have a regularly reviewed (and thus remembered) checklist and some useful notes. I carry forward the best and most useful of what I’ve learned, and by writing it down again and again I remember it as well as contemplate it.

As for writing down and recording more detailed guides and information I am experimenting with that. It’s still in the experimental stage, and I have some success in trying writing up a “short guide” for breath meditation and updating it now and then. But I’ve not done all the things I want to do yet, but as I persist, hopefully I will. My major challenge is the dread of sitting down and trying to write “everything” down. However just writing up this column gives me ideas, so we shall see.

But my own challenges aside, the above method is one I recommend you try. A nice daily review and best-practice list should be easy to start. Besides, I want to hear your experiences!

–Xenofact