psychology

The Escape Capsule

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When I meditate (regular breath and energy circulation) sometimes I notice a peculiar thing. Namely, I notice myself – and why I’m there.

Somewhere in what I’m doing there’s a bit of me there, pulling away and sealing itself off. It’s peculiar because I’m both meditating but also trying to separate myself from meditating. On top of that I’m aware of me doing it, so I’m watching myself watching myself try to separate myself from what I’m doing.

No wonder some people find meditation hard, disturbing, or weird. Or they drop a few shrooms and wonder what the hell is going on. Self and ego is strange no matter what’s forcing you to confront it, but meditation is cheaper.

I’ve recently christened this thing The Escape Capsule (though, yes, I’ve seen other terms and references to it), and have been thinking about what it tells me.

Part of our identity is based on separation. There’s us and the other stuff in the world and the other stuff inside ourselves. We try to separate from the world and we try to separate the “real me” from the stuff we don’t like in ourselves. Some of our “me” is an attempt to not be things, to get away – thus I recently called it The Escape Capsie.

(I could go into I and Thou but perhaps later.)

The Escape Capsule is that idea we can wall ourselves off, and I think there’s a wiff of simplistic immortalism. We can cut ourselves off from everything else and get away from it forever. In fact, I think that sometimes our idea of an immortal, separate soul may well come from this human tendency to run away..

I mean if we can feel distant from everything doesn’t that mean there’s some separate us?

Of course as we all know identity and self isn’t that clear. We can’t wall ourselves off from parts of us as it’s all us. Whatever identity we imagine atop the rickety pyramid of self, the pyramid is a lot larger than what we pretend we are. Too often our fears, desires, memories, and reality intrude and the Escape Capsule doesn’t protect us.

Of course we know it doesn’t protect us from the world. The world is bigger. The world is where “me” comes from.

Seeing The Escape Capsule helps me understand myself and my flaws. I also am sure you, if you meditate, have also had moments where the walls of The Escape Capsule melt and you realize your you isn’t you. It’s quite something to be yourself while seeing yourself melt away. It’s also quite something to realize how much of your idea of yourself is based on not being something.

This is one thing I’ve come to appreciate about meditation. The goal is to do it – not “perfectly,” not well, not to have certain experiences. But being there in those moments where you just see, even if what you see is disturbing or humbling.

And there are moments you can’t get away.

-Xenofact

Tyrants for Freedom

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I often talk about conspiracy theories and the like when I write about spiritual issues since conspiracy theories and spirituality tend to intersect – what is often called Conspirituality. Also there’s plenty of spiritually grifty conspiracy peddlers and those people and what they sell fascinate me. They infuriate me too, but in a kind of fascinating way.

One thing that fascinates me is how Conspiracy Theorists seem to want to build the very world they claim they warn against.

I’ll watch Conspiracy Theorists predict violent uprisings and secret attacks. The solution is usually “more guns and also maybe shoot non-white people” which quickly sounds like they are the very thing they hate. Usually this goes unnoticed as we’re used to it or focus on other weird stuff they say.

I’ve also watched how Conspiracy Theorists quickly become bang alongside police states. Oh they may not feel threatened as it’s their police (or milita, or army) but it’s absolutely the same thing they fear others are doing to them. Funny how the jackboot ends up on the other foot.

But this is all the standard violent crap humanity has plagued itself with for years. The revolution’s evolution ends in devolution and destruction too often.

However one thing that really stood out to me the last few years is watching Conspiracy Theorists who were afraid of secret billionaires and tyrants . . . go and seek out tyrants. I’m sure you can guess who they usually chose to worship, but it’s weird when you look at the breadth of history, especially in the 20th century and onward.

It’s unsettling to see people who scream about freedom lick the boots of some hack businessman or creepy politician or weird media figure. People acting so worshipful towards a transparent grifter that you suddenly really understand things like Jonestown. There are people bang alongside freedom so much they want to follow a dictator to get their freedom.

Read that again. They want to follow a dictator to get their freedom and they don’t immediately die of embarrassment.

Lately, I’ve come to realize the difference between a Conspiracy Theorists and a person who believes in conspiracy is in part “do they want a dictator?”

Conspiracy Theorists, addicted to conspiracy theories, besotted by clear personal issues, often a bit gifty at heart, seem to easily fall into wanting a dictator. The Conspiracy Theorists have issues of power and control that the Theory helps address. If power and control are your issues and integrity of belief aren’t as important, a dictator is an easy solution.

But people who just believe there are conspiracies? Accurate or not they’ll seek solutions and try to build them. They might not be the best solutions or rational one, but as the solution matters there’s hope. They see a threat and want to correct it, so there’s some potential dialogue and growth It may not always end well, but there’s an attempt to fix things.

Of course I can see these two being interchangeable. I have dark suspicions some famous Conspiracy Theory figures started off with concerns that at least involved practical solutions, but then went more and more off the edge. Or they found they could make money in the Conspiracy Theory space.

So beware people espousing conspiracies, yes. But check for a desire for tyranny and you may save yourself a lot of time, words, sanity, and maybe just safety. Those who easily want tyrants aren’t trying to solve anything for anyone else.

-Xenofact

Look For The Avatars

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We’ve often heard the phrase “look for the helpers” from Fred Rogers. I’ve seen this simple bit of advice deconstructed, believe it or not, but instead of adding one, I’d like to add a recent, similar lesson. Look for the Avatars.

Recently I’d been contemplating the divine, as I’m prone to do. As stated previously, I believe there is something to the idea of gods, that there are great powers out there. We “connect” with these great powers and patterns with creative ideas – stories, rituals, and so forth. Art is kind of the bridge (which I need to write about more).

However, there are times my divine contemplations do feel rarefied. There’s those powerful experiences of the divine, those presences that make you realize something is there. At times I wish I had more of them, that personal experience, though I am rather abstract by nature.

A few days later, I was at an amazing exhibit about the amazing Amos Kennedy Junior, an engraver and artist. In his decades of work he’s spoken to issues of racsim, abuse, bigotry, and more with powerful and impactful text and designs. Maps with block text about the oppression of people. Pithy statements on simple posters. He’s a master of many things, but all of them get into your head.

There was something about his work that was deep and powerful. It wasn’t just art, or protest, or history. It was divine in its truth.

On my way back from the gallery, these words came to my lips: This man is an avatar of Thoth.

Thoth, god of writing and magic, of science and art. . The husband or father of Seshat, lady of libraries and archives (and thus I consider her goddess of bookstores). Thoth is the power of words, and Kennedy’s words and text had power.

That’s when I realized that there, in the museum, I had a religious experience. I got to experience the power of writing and words, artistically arranged, a kind of magic, spun by a master of writing and creativity. He embodied Thoth, the principles of Thoth, he had power.

I had a religious experience there, contemplating this engraver. Something powerful. Something unexpected. Something which taught me a valuable lesson.

Look for the Avatars.

If you want to see the divine in the world, look for embodiments of it. They’re all around you. They’re in art studios and making your coffee, composing music and making videos about food. They’re everywhere. There are people who embody the very thing you’re seeking if you give yourself space to see it.

We can argue what gods “really” are, we can argue minutae and we can try to grasp the ungraspable that-which-is. But the power of those things behind the world, the great principles, are there right now. Look for them in your fellow people.

-Xenofact